The Funness of the Dark Side
by Dumbledalf
Summary: Pinneapple, a crazy Jedi, is turning to the Dark Side with hilarious consequences!
1. Chapter 1: Pinneapple

The Fun-ness of the Dark Side

And you thought it was all evil...

Wanted: A Sith Apprentice

This job entails:

-Making lightening pop out of your hands

-Fighting Jedis with shiny sticks

-Wearing a black and pink cape

-Riding on small motorcycles

-Hanging out with an evil dude

-Getting a tattoo and/or large black mask

-Great Halloween Parties!!!

"Awesome!!!" yelled the Jedi, Pinneapple Delight, as he read the ad in the _Coroscant Daily_. "The Jedi side is so boring. We never do anything but sit in circles meditating. We don't even _have_ a Halloween party!!!"

He quickly made up his mind. "Yo, Yoda!!!" he called. Then he said it again-- "Yo Yoda! It has a nice ring to it."

"Yes, my young apprentice?" Yoda asked.

"I quit!!!"

Yoda sighed. "Well, before you leave, pose for the statue, would you?"

"What statue?" Pinneapple asked.

"The statue for the library. A statue, each of the Lost Twenty have. Twenty-one," he corrected.

"Fine, then."

An artist rushed in, with a block of clay. He had a curly black mustache and a blue berret, and was wearing a red and white striped shirt, of course.

"I am Claude Monet. If you don't get out of my portrait now, I'll wack you with a beaver!!!" he said in a heavy French accent.

Pinneapple took no notice. He posed, and the artist shaped him into the clay.

"It'll be in stone, in the end," Yoda said.

Finally, the statue was finished and Pinneapple went and packed his suitcase. As he went down the hall, he waved to every single person he passed by. One Jedi, a girl named Minervie, asked, "Where are you going?"

"To the Sith!" Pinneapple answered cheerily. Minervie walked away, disgusted.

He waved to his friend, Qui-Gon, on the way out. He thought he heard Qui-Gon say to his apprentice, "That one wouldn't have lasted long anyway." But Pinneapple didn't care. He stepped outside, hailed a taxi, and was on his way to the Sith Headquarters.

Fifteen minutes later, Pinneapple stood in front of a buliding with a huge sign that said, "This is not the Sith Headquarters. This is an Elephant Training Facility."

Pinneapple scratched his head. He stared at the sign. Finally, he opened up the ad and read the address. "They must have moved!" he said. "Now what do I do?"

From behind him came a large, muscled man in a black cape. "Yo, dude," the man said. "What are you doing here?"

Pinneapple started to sweat. "Um, I'm um, I'm um, I'm going um, um, I'm trying out um, um for, I'm um..."

"Dude, don't hurt yourself! Start over."

"I'm trying out for the Sith part," Pinneapple said slowly.

"'Trying out'? That's an interesting way to put it. But I am too."

"They moved. It's an Elephant Training Facility now," Pinnaepple told him.

The man laughed a deep, long laugh. He reminded Pinneapple of Santa Clause. "They didn't move at all! That's just to trick common pedestrians."

Pinneapple looked around. He didn't see any common foot doctors. Or people walking on their feet, for that matter.

"Well, are you coming in? Mine name's Muffin, by the way."

Together, Muffin and Pinneapple walked through the door.

Just inside was a man with a red and black tattoo on his face. "Just in that door," he said. "Well, you may want to wait. Someone's in there already."

They could hear a faint yelling from inside the door. "FIRED!!! YOU'RE FIRED!!!"

A minute later, a man in a black mask and black dress walked out. He seemed to be crying.

Muffin went into the room, and shut the door.

Pinneapple sat on a stiff chair and waited. And waited. And waited. And waited. Did I mention waited? He waited so long, you would thing his proffesion was Waitor. (Ha ha ha. Very funny.)

He just had to walk around, but the tattoo guy was staring at him. He didn't think he would be allowed to.

Finally, he asked Tattoo, "Where's the potty?"

Tattoo looked surprised. "Down that hall," he answered. "To the left."

Pinneapple had no intention of going potty. He had done something he thought very clever, and was now going to explore the Headquaters.


	2. Chapter 2: Mervie

Down the hall he walked, until he came to a desk. No one was near, so he sat down on the swivel chair. Pinneapple loved swivel chairs. He spun, and spun, and spun. He closed his eyes and pretended he was on the merry-go-round of his youth.

"Excuse me!" said a voice. The chair suddenly stopped, and Pinneapple almost fell out. He looked up at the two people standing there... No, only one. He was still dizzy.

It was the owner of the desk, the Sith receptionist. She had dark brown hair, tied up in a bun at the back. She wore, like everyone else, a black cape. She looked vaguely familiar, but Pinneapple couldn't figure out why.

"I leave this desk for five minutes, to get some coffee, and what do I find when I come back? Pinneapple Delight! Shouldn't you be waiting for your appointment? The Master's probably ready for you by now."

Pinneapple didn't move. "How did you know my name?"

The receptionist groaned. "Who cares? Just get out of my chair!"

She had an evil look in her eye. Pinneapple ran all the way down the hall, and sat back heavily in his seat. Just then, Muffin came out from behind the door. He looked disappointed. "Your turn, kid. I'll see you around."

He left through the front door, with a sad wave. "Oh, great," Pinneapple thought. "This Sith guy seems picky."

He cautiously opened the door, and stepped inside.

"Ah, Pinneapple Delight. I've been expecting you. Have a seat."

There was a very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY old man, sitting behind another desk. In front of the desk was a small wooden stool, but Pinneapple didn't sit down.

"Why does everyone here know my name?" he asked in exasperation. The very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY old man just laughed.

"My receptionist just told me. Now take a seat."

Pinneapple sat.

"Good. Now, what made you decide to change from being a Jedi?"

"How did you know I was a Jedi?"

"You're still wearing your Jedi robes."

"Oh. Well, being a Jedi is so boring. I mean, we don't even have a Halloween party!" Pinneapple sighed.

The very, very, very, very, very, very, very, very, VERY old man looked down at the clipboard on his desk. On the bottom, right after "Pinneapple Delight," he wrote, "Just might be stupid enough to become a Sith." Then he stared off into space, imaginig how fun that would be....

Pinneapple waited a while. But finally, he said, "Um, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, Very, VERY Old Man? Are you asleep?"

That broke the old man's daydream. "Eh? What did you call me? Just call me Master, it will be a lot easier." Then he started daydreaming again.

Pinneapple wondered how such an old man as Master could still be alive.

Finally, Master seemed to wake up. "Pinneapple, you've got yourself a job!"

"Yippee!" Pinneapple yelled.

"But first, you'll have to get fitted for a black robe."

"Okay. Seems fair enough."

"Of course it's fair enough! You're a Sith now, my boy, and you have to obey me. Now, before we go, I want you to give me a shoulder massage."

"Um..." Pinneapple had never given a massage before. He put his hands on Master's shoulders and started hitting them as hard as he could.

"AAUGH!!!" screamed Master. "You're doing it wrong!" He pushed a button on his desk, calling in the receptionist. "You can leave now. Just wait outside until I come out."

Pinneapple sat down in his original chair, with Tattoo staring at him again. He sat and waited, sat and waited, sat and waited, sat and waited. "Massages must take a very long time," he thought. Finally, after at least half an hour, the receptionist came back out.

"Come on," she said.

"I can't leave. Master told me to wait until _he_ came out. I'm going to be fitted for a robe."

"He's not coming. I'm taking you."

"Oh." Pinneapple was disappointed. He was starting to like Master, and was missing him already. The receptionist grabbed him by the hand and pulled him out of the Headquarters, and down the sidewalk.

"Receptionist, where are we going?"

"One, don't call me 'Receptionist.' My name's Mervie. Two, you'll find out when we get there."

"Aw, come on Mervie. Just tell me," Pinneapple pleaded.

"I don't remember you ever being _this_ whiny," Mervie said. She looked frankly disgusted.

"Disgusted! Why do you look so familiar when you're disgusted?" Pinneapple asked.

"You IDIOT! Don't you remember me? I'm Minervie!"

"I thought you said you were _Mervie,_ not _Minervie_," Pinneapple said. He was getting extremely confused.

"I was a Jedi with you!" Mervie (or Minervie) yelled. "I just saw you this morning when you left!"

"Did you decide to leave too?"

"NO! I'm spying on them, making Master think I'm his receptionist, when I'm really telling the Jedi what his next move will be!"

"Oh, naughty, naughty! I'm going to tell on you!"

Minervie turned pale. "Don't!" she hissed. "I'll do anything! You can't give away my secret, or he'll fire me and the Jedi will lose!"

"But I'm a Sith now. A real one."

"You are not! Master just likes you because you're dumb."

Pinneapple was deeply offended. "I'm going to tell on you," he resolved.

"I'll do anything!"

"Anything?"

"Yes, anything."

"Anything?"

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!!" Minervie screamed.

"I want a package of marshmallows," Pinneapple said.

"Fair enough." Inside, Minervie was snickering. This would be so easy to keep him in line!

"Of course it's fair enough! You're a Sith now, my boy, and you have to obey me--"

"Just come on. You can have you marshmallows on the way back."


	3. Chapter 3: A Campfire

Minervie led Pinneapple into the dressmaker's shop to be fitted for his cape.

As soon as he saw the sign, Pinneaple started to scream. "I don't want a dress!" he protested.

"You're not getting a dress. That's just the name of the store," Minervie said.

The bells on the door rang as they entered. The shop had a musty smell, like inscence, and had only a wooden chair and a cardboard box inside. Minervie said, "Hello!"

A woman appeared from a back room. "Ah," she said. "Being fitted for a dress?"

"I DON'T WANT A DRESS!!!" Pinneapple screamed.

The woman looked doubtful. She had a shiny silk shawl on, and wore her head in a turban with a huge, plastic jewel in the middle. "I am Madam Moochy. I shall now measure you for a dress."

"We're not here for a dress, but a cape," Minervie explained.

"Right."

Pinneapple fidgeted the whole time, but the cape was measured, and Madam Moochy instructed them to pick it up the next day.

Back out on the street, Pinneapple brought up the issue of the marshmallows again. "You said you would buy me some."

"So I did." They went into the nearest Coroscant Dollar General and bought a large package. Then they continued walking, Pinneapple busily crunching a marshmallow.

After several minutes, Minervie was getting annoyed. "How in the world do you _crunch _a marshmallow?" she asked.

"Dunno. I wanna make s'mores," Pinneapple answered.

"S'mores! Do you realize we are leaving tomorrow?"

"Where are we going?"

"Didn't Master tell you? We're going onto our ship!"

"But what about my cape?" Pinneapple was disappointed. He had been getting excited for a cape that goes _whoosh_ when you spin around.

"We'll pick it up early in the morning. But let me tell you about the Sith ship. It has lots and lots of rooms, so I guess you'll be needing a map. We always go on there for a vacation in the fall, to get away from things."

"Is it fall? You never can tell with the Coroscant atmosphere and all those buildings in the way."

"Yeah. Come on, we don't want to be late."

They rushed down the street, came to the Elephant Training Facility, and went inside.

"The Master's waiting for you," Tattoo said to Minervie. She went into the Master room.

"And you'll need to pack," was Pinneapple's instruction.

"But I'm already packed! I haven't unpacked since I got here this morning!" he motioned towards his suitcase, which was still sitting by the waiting-room chair.

"Okay. Here, take these magazines and read 'em in the spare room down the hall," Tattoo said, and gave Pinneapple a bunch of Ranger Rick magazines.

Just then, Minervie came out. "I have the rest of the day off!" she said happily, and skipped off through the front door.

Pinneapple followed the hall until he came to the spare room. It wasn't actually spare, but was used for storage of cardboard boxes. Pinneapple pushed the boxes out of the way and lied down on his stomach, reading the magazines.

About half an hour later, he was finished reading the magazines and feeling hungry. "I wonder if there's any food in these boxes."

He began to search around. The boxes were mostly full of things like socks and tuxedos, and a couple of band-aids and some hair spray. He did, however, find a yard stick and some matches.

Pinneapple decided to light the tip of the yard stick on fire, then walk around pretending he was carrying a torch. But suddenly he remembered the marshmallows!

I took out a marshmallow, stuck it onto the yardstick, and tried to light the matches. The first try didn't work, because the match had already been used. The next try Pinneapple got too scared of holding fire and dropped it, and it went out. The next one, he could hold but couldn't find anything to burn, so he had to blow it out.

The last match. Pinneapple had decided to burn the magazines, and carefully struck the match. It caught fire, and he carefully put the magazines on fire.

They were soon crackling merrily, as Pinneapple held the marsmallow stick over the makeshift campfire. "If only I had some chocolate and some grahm crackers!" he thought, but it didn't really matter. Marsmallows are just fine on their own.

After six delicious crisp marshmallows and one disgusting burnt one, Pinneapple thought he he heard a voice. It seemed to be saying, "Pinneapple.... Where are you?"

Aha! Master was calling! "Coming!" he yelled and ran down the hall. He got to the main lobby and saw Master waiting for him.

"Could you lift this box for me and bring it outside?" he asked. 'I'm a bit too old, you know, and I can't carry it myself."

Pinneapple picked up the box and followed Master out the door, Master talking the whole way. "This is one of the luggage boxes to go on our little trip. The rest of them are in that spare room. Do you think you could bring them out for me?"

"Sure!" Pinneapple rushed back inside, happy to comply. But in the spare room, trouble was brewing....

Pinneapple first realized something was wrong when he smelled the smoke. The next clue was that the smoke detector had gone off, and was hurting his ears. Still, he was determined to get the boxes.

He went down the hall, and had to crouch low to keep out of the smoke. Finally, he was at the spare room. He peeked inside, and saw that his campfire had lighted the boxes, and now the whole room was crackling merrily! Worst of all, his marshmallows were still in there, and they were crackling merrily too!

He began to cry. He ran down the hall blindly, and into the lobby. He suddenly remembered his suitcase and grabbed for the nearest thing. He rushed out the door to find the Coroscant Fire Department had arrived. "Outta the way!" they called, and rushed inside. Pinneapple wiped his eyes and discovered that not only was he holding his suitcase, but also the waiting-room chair.

And there was Minervie! "Hi!" he called through the gathering crowd. There's always a crowd in front of a fire.

"How was your break?" he asked.

"I'll tell you later. But why is the Headquarters onn fire?"

"Um, I tried to make s'mores..."

"Okay, enough said. We'll have to stay in a hotel tonight."

(Author's Note: Suggestions are welcome!!!)


	4. Chapter 4: Preparing to Leave

Pinneapple felt he had only fallen asleep when there came a loud knock on the door of his cheap hotel room. "Pinneapple! Open up!" It was Minervie.

He put on a bathrobe, because he didn't want Minervie to see his Bunny Wabbit Pajamies. "Coming!"

Minervie looked at his robe when he opened the door. "This is no time for foolishness. You can't wear the robe outside."

"But I'm wearing my Pajamies!" Pinneapple protested.

"Then go change! I'll wait out here."

Ten minutes later, Pinneapple emerged, still wearing his Jedi robes. "They're the only clothes I own," he admitted.

"That's okay. The cape'll cover them."

Soon, they were back outside the Dressmaker's Shop. "I hope she didn't make me a dress on accident," Pinneapple said. "Can I wait outside?"

"Oh, come on! Don't be such a wimp."

Inside the shop, everything was different. Instead of being a wooden chair and a cardboard box, there was a cardboard chair and a wooden box. And the woman who came out wasn't wearing a turban, but a very tall, pointy blue hat, like the kind wizards wear. "I wonder if she's a wizard," Pinneapple thought.

"Here you go," Madam Moochy said, formally handing the cape to Pinneapple. It was shiny and soft, like it was made of a mixture of silk, velvet, and peat moss.

"Can I get a little privacy? I don't like changing in public," Pinneapple pouted.

"You're not changing. Just put the cape on over your clothes."

"But that'll be uncomfortable!"

"It's how you're supposed to wear it! Just put the cape on!!!" Minervie yelled.

He did. It fit perfectly, somehow, and went down to the floor so it hid his feet. There was even a hood, and when you buttoned a few well-hidden buttons, you could see nothing of his old robes.

"How's it fit so well? You're not a wizard, are you?"

Madam Moochy shook her head mysteriously. Minervie blew her top. "You're the worst Jedi I ever met! Do you even know _how_ to use the Force?"

"What's the Force?" Pinneapple asked. Then, seeing the look of horror on Minervie's horrified face, he said, "Just kidding." He_ was _kidding, but only partially. He knew the word sounded familiar, but why? Something to do with the ripening of bananas....

"Perfect," Minervie said, paid Madam Moochy, and dragged Pinneapple out.

Once back on the street, Pinneapple asked where they were going.

"Don't you remember? We're going to the Sith ship, for vacation! Geez, you have no memory."

"Oh, yeah. Hey, you said you would tell me about your day off."

"Fine," Minervie said, but she looked happy. "I went to the Jedi Temple, to report to Yoda. It was his idea for me to do it in the first place."

"Do what?"

"Spy on the Sith!!! Don't you remember?"

"Oh, yeah... um, no."

"Here's how it all began: There was an advertisement for a Sith receptionist in the newspaper. Yoda came up with a plan that I would apply, get the job, and then spy on the Sith! That way, if they ever made a move against the Jedi, I would know abd tell Yoda, and we would be prepared. Isn't that so smart?"

"Well, I don't know. It seems kind of devious to me."

"Of course it is! How do you think Good would win over Evil in the end?"

"I have no clue. Look, there's the Headquarters!"

Minervie turned. There, where the huge building used to be, was a pile of smoldering ashes. The firefighters had managed to put out the fire before it spread, but not before the whole place was burnt to the ground.

"I can't believe you did that," Minervie sighed.

"I know, I know. I'm really sorry. I can't do everything perfect, can I?"

"No, no! I didn't mean it like that! I think you did a wonderful job! If a Jedi had snuck over and set the place on fire, they would have been caught. But no one would suspect an attack from the inside!"

Pinneapple was bewildered. Was he being praised? Obviously burning things down was what you were supposed to do....

"Come on. Turn here."

"Where are we going?"

"PINNEAPPLE, I JUST TOLD YOU!!! TO OUR SHIP!!!" Minervie shouted in rage. You can hardly blame her.

"Sorry. But just think, if everyone in the galaxy was perfect, it would be very boring."

"True," Minervie admitted, calming down, "true."

A few minutes later, they were standing in the hangar, looking at a very small ship. Workers and pilots strode around, trying to look important, but really not doing anything.

Pinneapple was upset. "You said it would be so big, I would need a map," he pouted.

"Hey, this isn't the main ship," said a pilot as he passed by. Then, because he was bored, he stopped to talk. "This baby'll just take you up to the main ship, which is huge. Giganty-ic. Humongo-us. And the little lady's right, ya will need a map."

Minervie then got upset. "Have you been listening to our entire conversation? Go away!"

"Fine then." He dashed off to play hide-and-seek with his buddies.

"Well, I guess we better get inside."

The interior was just a whole bunch of seats, rather like a school bus. Pinneapple sat down in one towards the middle, and Minervie sat in the one across the aisle. Just then, Master came on.

"Hey, Pinneapple!" He said. He sat down in the seat in front of Pinneapple and stuck his nose over. "You saw the Headquarters burn down, didn't you?"

Pinneapple began to sweat. He realized this conversation would not turn out well. "Um, yes."

"Did you happen to see the culprit?"

"Hmmm.... No." Pinneapple hadn't actually _seen_ himself do it. There wasn't a mirror around, and he never looked down at himself, so that tehcnically wasn't a lie.

"The Force is telling me it happened in that spare room. Weren't you around there?"

"There's that word again!" Pinneapple thought. But he said, "Yes, I was around there."

"Well, it was probably just that new janitor, Humphrey. I happen to know he smokes cigarettes when no one's watching. Smoking is such a horrible habit."

Minervie butted into the conversation. "Didn't _you_ used to smoke?"

Master seemed aghast about the question. "Me? Why _me_ of all people to ask? But, then again, I just _might_ have, several years ago. Maybe." He then got tired of the conversation and went to sit in the very back seat.

Pinneapple was getting tired too. It had been an early morning, and it was still pretty early. He curled up in his small seat and fell asleep.

He was awakened hours later with a poke in the ribs. "Come on, wake up," Minervie urged. "You've been asleep the whole trip and we're almost there. You can see the ship!"

Pinneapple drowsily looked out the window to see a huge, _huge, _HUGE ship. It filled up his entire window, plus the next five in front and behind him, and they were hardly even close to it yet. As they neared, he could see more details, like windows, blasters, and other mechanical stuff that looked important but that he didn't know what they were.

Soon, they were right up close to the ship, and the driver drove the small ship into a hole in the side. It was the hangar.

"We are now offloading the ship," the driver said. Then, he paused, and said, "I think that's the right word."

Pinneapple and the others lined up in the aisle, then filed out of the ship.

Even the hangar was huge. Pinneapple gaped up at the high cieling.

"Pinneapple!" Master called. "Welcome to your vacation!"

(Author's Note: Thanks to all my reviewers! And arrow maker, I'll probably use your suggestion!!!)


	5. Chapter 5: The Ship and Larry

When the group of Sith and pilots exited the hangar, they were met by a wonderous sight. It was an elevator, the kind that was made of glass that you can see out of. It was big enough for everyone to fit inside, plus more room. It was operated by a man in a black suit, who introduced himself as Butler Jones.

"First floor, please!" Master called.

Butler Jones pressed the 1 button, and the elevator slowly went down. As it went, everyone could see the many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many, many levels of the ship. It really had quite a few.

Finally, they were at the bottom floor. When the door opened, another man in a black suit was there. "Hello, my name is Butler Smith. I will be bringing you on the tour of our gigantical ship. Feel free to stop at any time, the tour shall take exactly one hundred and fouteen hours and thirty-two minutes."

"Wow," Pinnapple said. That's a long time."

"Don't interrupt," Butler Smith said severly.

"But you weren't talking!" Pinneapple protested.

"LA LA LA LA!!! I CAN'T HEAR YOU!!!"

The tour started. Here is a short version of it:

Level One: The Kitchen. Pinneapple logged that into his permanent memory.

Level Two: Butlers' rooms. There are exactly three hundred and nineteen butlers, according to Butler Smith.

Level Three: The Bowling Alley/ Swimming pool. One of the pilots fell into the pool, and had to be fished out with a large net.

Level Four: The Sitting Rooms. Otherwise known as the parlor, for guests. Pinneapple was specifically forbidden to enter.

Level Five: The Offices. Where Master works when he's on vacation, and is rarely used.

The list goes on. Actually, Pinneapple got tired when they came to the fifth floor, so he dropped out. First, he was given a map from Butler Smith. It was twenty sheets of paper stapled together, with several floors represented on each page.

The Bedrooms were on the Fourteenth Level. Pinneapple took the elevator up, until he came to a hallway on Level Fourteen. It branched off in two ways, and he took the left way. It branched off again, and he took the right way. Then the left, then the right, then the right again, until he came to the place where his room should be. It wasn't there.

He stared hard at the map. It showed a very clear diagram, with arrows pointing the direction he should go. He looked around, and saw only doors for the pilots. They all had weird names, too: George, Larry, and Michael. What's with that? The only normal names were like this: Shmi, Corde, or Han. Or Muffin, Pinneapple, or Steak. It's that simple.

Pinneapple leaned against the wall in despair. He was lost in a swirling world of hallways, with too many to count, all taunting him to find his room.... Pinneapple has a very vivid imagination.

Hours later, he was still leaning against the wall. He couldn't think of anything else to do, and he was lost. Luckily, help was on the way! A pilot was walking down the hall to his room, and saw him sitting there.

"Eh! You're not a pilot, are you?" he asked.

Pinneapple looked up in surprise. "No, I'm lost."

"Oh, let me help you. My name is Larry."

"My name is Pinneapple," said Pinneapple.

"I know," Larry said.

"How do you know? Everyone always KNOWS!!!"

"I've just heard of you, that's all. Now, let me see your map."

Pinneapple gave it to him. Larry stared thoughtfully at it a moment, and said, "You've been reading it upside down. That's the problem."

Pinneapple had never felt so stupid. Well, except for the time he had thought his little sister Mango was a dog, and the time he had accidentally flooded the Jedi Temple....

"Come on. I'll take you back to your room."

They walked through the halls, going right, right, left, right, left. Soon, they were back in front of the elevator again.

"I have an idea!" Larry yelled suddenly. "This will keep you from ever getting lost again." He took out a large black marker, and began drawing on the carpet. He made an arrow pointing to the right, then drew a line going all the way down the hall, then an arrow to the left, then right, then left, then left. Soon, they were in front of the door that said, "PINNEAPPLE DELIGHT" in big letters. Larry drew a huge star on the door.

"That will make it a whole lot easier. Well, I'll see you around!" With that, Larry left.

Pinneapple opened the door to reveal his room. It looked, in fact, almost exactly like the hotel room he had stayed in the night before. There was a bed, a TV, a desk, a conjoined bathroom, and the same little window with a heater underneath. But outside of the window, instead of Coroscant, were stars.

Pinneapple's suitcase and the Waiting Room Chair were sitting on the bed. Pinneapple was glad for the chair. It had fond memories attached, and he often talked to it like it was an old friend.

He unpacked his stuff, shoving it all in the dresser in the corner of the room. He was surprised to find he was hungry. He decided to go down to the kitchen and get something to eat.

Outside in the hall, Pinneapple simply followed the lines and went in the opposite direction as the arrows. It was very easy, he was at the elevator in minutes. He pressed the 1 button, feeling very grown up.

At Level Five, the elevator stopped, and on got Master.

"Well, hello there Pinneapple! How's it going? Do you like your room?"

"Oh, yes, I love it! But I'm hungry. I'm going to the kitchen to find something to eat."

"Good, idea, Pinneapple my lad, to eat when you're hungry. You don't want to starve!"

Pinneapple wondered at how cheerful Master was acting.

"Oh, yes, I have a job for you, when you've finished eating. There's a mail shoot on the very top floor, would you mind getting the mail? Just bring it down to my office on Level Five. And, oh, sort it into seperate piles for bills, advertisements, and letters. I would really like it."

He got off the elevator, on Level Three, before Pinneapple could say anything.

Down in the kitchens, it was mass pandemonium. It seemed almost everyone had wanted to eat at the same time, and were all crowded together in the small space of the dining area.

Luckily, Pinneapple had a fantastic idea just then. He decided to just go into the kitchen and fix himself a sandwich, without bothering anyone else. He did it all the time at home.

He slipped through the swinging doors of the kitchen and looked around for a refrigerator. In the back, it seemed to be full of friges, so he went straight there. But on the way, he passed by a whole bunch of loaves of bread. "These'll do," he said. he grabbed two, and looked around for peanut butter. There wasn't any, but there was a dish of Mixed Nuts, so he grabbed a handful of those. There wasn't any jelly, either, so he found a pitcher of grape juice. He suddenly discovered he couldn't carry it all at once, so he took a mixing bowl that was only half full of flour. He dumped the stuff inside and left the kitchen, meaning to make his meal up in his room where it was less crowded.

Pinneapple was humming a happy song, and he didn't hear the cry that rose up, "Where are those nuts?" "Where did the grape juice get to?" "I can't find my mixing bowl!" "I'm missing two loaves of bread!"

(Author's Note: Thanks, reviewers! And to M.D.I.K., I can make Star Wars funny if I want to!!! And to Michele: I'm glad you found it!!! And I wouldn't dream of stopping it!!!)


	6. Chapter 6: Getting the Mail

(Author's Note: Sorry it took so long. I've been really busy lately.)

Pinneapple had just finished making his sandwich and was sitting down to eat it, when there was a knock on the door.

He opened it up, and there stood--- Minervie. Along with a whole bunch of pilots and a man dressed up as a lobster.

"Hey, what are you all doing here?" he asked. "This is my room, you know."

"We followed the arrows that are on the floor, and came to here. What is the meaning of this?" asked a pilot.

"It's so that I don't get lost. Do you have a problem with me getting lost? I could just sleep out in the hall, you know. Or I could sleep in the swimming pool, or in the kitchen.... There's a whole bunch of choices for me to sleep in, but I choose here. In my bedroom. Do you have a problem with my bedroom?"

"No, no, of course not," said the lobster in a high, squeaky voice. "We'll leave now."

Pinneapple closed the door, only to have it knocked upon again. "HEY!!!" he yelled as he opened it.

It was Minervie. "You didn't let me in the first time. I'm just visiting, you know."

"Oh, come in. Sorry about that." Pinneapple sat back down, and picked up his sandwich. It wasn't actually a sandwich, though. It was a whole loaf of bread he had hollowed out, and filled with nuts and grape juice. It was dripping all over the floor.

"Want some?" he asked.

"Uh, no thank you. How in the world did you make that?"

"Sheer genius," Pinneapple answered happily.

"Right.... I was just checking on how you were settling in."

"Fine, thank you." Pinneapple finished his sandwich and stood up. "I have to get the mail now. I'll see you later."

They both left the room, and got onto the elevator. Minervie got off at Level Thirteen, Shopping Malls, but Pinneapple continued to the very top.

It was very windy up there, for some reason. As soon as he got off the elevator, he was almost blown away. The room was very much filled with papers, and he had to step over them to get to the mail shoot at the other end.

When he got to it, he found it was empty. "Hey!!!" Pinneapple yelled. "Who took all my mail?"

The wind picked up, swirling all around him. One of the papers caught in the crook of his arm, and Pinneapple read it. This is what it said:

Sith Vacation Ship

Above Coruscant

Space, Universe

(Rush delivery)

It was the mail!!! Pinneapple suddenly realized that all those papers were part of the mail he had to bring downstairs. "Bothersome," he said. He grabbed a handfull as they flew by, and shoved them into his pockets. The wind died down a little, and he started kicking everything into a big pile. He pushed the pile over to the elevator.

When he pushed the button for the elevator to come back up, he noticed something new: a little switch labelled WIND. Pinneapple flicked the switch back down, and the wind stopped. "Ah," he said, pretending he had known it the whole time.

The elevator doors opened, and Pinneapple pushed the mail inside. But that wasn't all of it, he had to keep going back for more piles. Finally, he had gotten everything and stepped inside the elevator. To his horror, the mail went up to his waist!!!

"I'll drown!" he thought. He pressed the Level 5 button, and the elevator slowly moved down.

It stopped before it got to Level Five, though. At Level Eighteen the door opened, and a pilot tried to get on. But as soon as the door was opened all the way, the mail came flooding out. It littered the entire hall, and got into the Hair Salon. Pinneapple burst out crying from all his hard work. He grabbed a handfull of letters and rushe back into the elevator.

At Level Five, he got out and put the mail down on the nearest desk, of which there were fifty. Then, he suddenly remembered he had to sort them.

There were lots of advertisements. He looked through some about expensive chairs, large pianos, jealous pools, waterproof watches, and rings from Sar On Jewelry. Finally, he found one he liked: It was pink words on a black background, saying, "Pink is the new black."

Pinneapple looked down at his black cape. "If pink is the new black, then why don't we get _pink_ capes?" he asked. No one answered, probably beause he was alone in the room.

The rest of the mail was bills, except for one thing: an old copy of The Coruscant Daily. Pinneapple began to read it, and found something, to his surprise, that he recognized:

Wanted: A Sith Apprentice

This job entails:

-Making lightening pop out of your hands

-Fighting Jedis with shiny sticks

-Wearing a black and pink cape

-Riding on small motorcycles

-Hanging out with an evil dude

-Getting a tattoo and/or large black mask

-Great Halloween Parties!!!

"Hey!" he said. "We haven't done any of this stuff yet! Wait a minute..." There, in plain black, white, and rainbow, it said "Wearing a black and _pink_ cape"!

The elevator opened, and out came Master. "I see you got the mail," he said.

"Did you write this?" Pinneapple asked, holding up the paper.

"Yes, that's the one you replied to. Remember? And you got the job."

"How did you know that pink is the new black?" Pinneapple asked.

"I used the Force," Master replied.

"There's that word again," thought Pinneapple. "Why does it seem so important?"

"I came to tell you something," Master continued. "There is a test you have to take, to prove you will be a good Sith."

"Is this the kind of test that you need a Number Two Pencil and fill in the bubbles?"

"No, it's kind of like an obstical course."

"COOL! COOL! COOL! COOL! COOL!!!" Pinneapple screamed.

"Before you get excited, let me explain it: You start at the bottom level, and work your way up. On each level will be something you need to do: fight an alien, use force-lightening, lots of things. When you get to the top, you'll reach your ultimate goal: being part of the Sith and going to the Halloween party."

"COOL! COOL! COOL!"

"But since you probably won't be able to do it by yourself, Minervie will go with you. You'll need her help."

"So the Halloween party is at the top?"

"Yes. You have to go through the other levels to get there."

"Can I dress uo for the Halloween party?"

"Yes.... The Halloween party is not important! The levels are the important part!"

"Are you serving food at the Halloween party?"

"LEVELS! CONCENTRATE ON THE LEVELS!"

"Okay, whatever. Does it start now?"

"No, it starts tomorrow. You'll have all day to go through it."

"Okay. Whatever."

Master went back into the elevator, and Minervie got off it.

"Did you know you're doing an obsticle course with me?" Pinneapple asked.

"Yes, I did. Are you ready for it?"

"Yup. Are you dressing up for the Halloween party?"

"No, probably not. Why?"

"I am. I'm going as Luke Skywalker."

"But he hasn't been born yet! He doesn't even exist! No one knows who he is! Who's Luke Skywalker?"

"Whatever."

(Author's Note: Any ideas for the levels?)


	7. Chapter 7: The Obsticle Course

The next morning, Pinneapple, Minervie, and Master were on the bottom level of the ship, in the hangar. Master was explaining the rules of the course. "You must stay together at all times, you must get to the top level by this evening, you must do this, you must do that, blah blah bladdity blah." At least, that's how it sounded to Pinneapple.

"On your mark, get set, go!" Master yelled. Pinneapple took off running,

"Wait!" Minervie called. "Pinneapple, this isn't a race! Come back!"

"Fine, then." Pinneapple said, and came back.

"The first thing we have to do is drive a ship to the Fourth Level. That shouldn't be too hard!"

"I don't know how to drive. Hey, where's Master?"

"He disappeared, using the Force. Now get in!"

They were standing by a small, fighter ship they would need to fly. Minervie opened the door, and Pinneapple scrambled into the back seat. Minervie sat in the driver's seat, and turned on the ignition. "Radio!" Pinneapple yelled. Minervie flipped it on, and Pinneapple reached up, turning it to a blaring loud noise.

He then reached into his pocket and drew out a bagel with salmon cream cheese, and ate his breakfast while Minervie flew the ship around the hangar, up the elevator shaft, around the kitchen, up the shaft, through the Butler's Rooms, up the shaft, over the swimming pool, up the shaft, and parked in the sitting room.

As soon as they got out of the ship, they heard a voice. "I was wondering when you would get here," it said in a sinister, Sithy way. Pinneapple was immeadiately scared.

A man got off of a nearby couch. He was dressed in a long, black cape, and had a red tattoed face. "Tattoo!" Pinneapple yelled.

"Oh, it's you," said Tattoo. "Well, I need to duel someone with a lightsaber."

"I don't know how. Master didn't teach me."

"I think he assumed you already knew how," Minervie said. "But the Jedi didn't even give you a lightsaber?"

"Yes, they did," Pinneapple held up the silver tube."But I thought it was just decoration."

Minervie sighed in exasperation. "I'll do it, then." She turned on her yellow lightsaber, and stood in the ready position. Tatoo turned on his red lightsaber and stood in the attack position. Pinneapple turned on his clear lightsaber and sat on the couch in the ready-to-watch-a-duel-through-a-clear-lightsaber position.

Minervie and Tattoo fought with gusto. "It's just like watching a movie," Pinneapple thought. "Or like reading a humor fanfic."

Soon, Tattoo screamed, "That's enough! You guys win. I was only allowed to fight for exactly seven and five hundred fourteen thousandths minutes, so you wouldn't get killed."

"Ah," said Minervie. She and Tattoo shook hands, and Tattoo went and sat down on the couch again, thoroughly exhausted. Pinnapple clapped his hands and made audience-like noises. "Good job! Good job!"

He and Minervie got back in the ship, and went up the elevator shaft, coming to the level with all the offices. They parked right outside the door, and Pinneapple was about to open it. "Wait," said Minervie. "I have a bad feeling about this..."

"Come on," said Pinneapple. "I wanna go to the Halloween party." He was ready for it, too: he was wearing that orange pilot outfit that Luke wore (he had borrowed it from a Sith pilot), and was looking kind of goofy, because Minervie told him he had to wear the black cape over it.

He opened the door. There, in between the many desks, were stacks and stacks of mail to sort. As soon as he saw it, Pinneapple fainted.

When he came to, Minervie had already sorted most of the mail already. There was just half a stack left. Pinneapple picked up an envelope and said groggily, "Where does this one go?"

"If you hadn't have fainted, you would know," Minervie snapped. She pointed to a pile to Pinneapple's left.

Pinneapple was hurt. It wasn't his fault, he knew, for fainting. It was just something that happened to him quite a lot, rather like bed-wetting and sucking his thumb.

He helped a little more with the piles, until everything was sorted. "What time is it?" Pinneapple asked, when they were done.

"11:00 AM, Coroscant Central Time," Minervie answered. She had forgiven Pinneapple, because she knew that wimps were just naturally wimpy.

They got back in the ship, and up the elevator shaft.

By 6:30 CCT, Pinneapple and Minervie had completed the following levels: pass through a room of marshmallows without eating them (Minervie had to tie Pinneapple up), walk on a bridge over a tub of volcanic magma without falling over and being forced into a black breathing suit, dance a jig to the accordian without going mad, and several more strange, but Sith-worthy obsticles.

They were on the last level before the Halloween party. Pinneapple was so excited, he was both literally _and_ figuratively shaking.

This one seemed very easy. All they had to do was transport a thermal detonator from one side of the level to the other, without it blowing up.

"I guess I'll have to do this by myself again," Minervie said. Suddenly, Pinneapple felt ashamed. Minervie had been doing everything for him the entire time, with hardly any help.

"No, that's okay. I'll do it without you."

Minervie looked at him. "Are you feeling all right?" she asked.

"Of course I am. You've done everything for me the entire time, with hardly any help."

This was probably the most noble thing Pinneapple had ever said, and probably the only thing he ever will.

"Well, if that's how you feel, I'll go wait on the other side, with the ship." She got into the ship, turned it on, and flew it until Pinneapple couldn't see her anymore.

"Oh, great. This was a bad idea." He picked up the thermal detonator carefully, and started walking. To make matters worse, it started raining. (Yes, it was raining inside. The entire room was made to look like it was outdoors, with fake grass and a picket fence running alongside a yellow dirt road.)

Ten minutes later, unbeknownst to Pinneapple, there was a little sign that said, "That way. Over there ---- " in green crayon. Which should tell you about Pinneapple's paying-attention skills, which is zero. He passed by that sign without a second glance (or even a first). He had also forgotten about the thermal detonator inside his pocket.

He met up with Minervie at the end. "Did you do it?" she asked.

"Of course I did," said Pinneapple, who had no idea what she was talking about. Together, leaving the ship, they got on the elevator and went up to the party.

"Hey! There you are, Pinneapple! I knew you would make it," yelled Master when he saw them. He was dressed as a ballerina in a sparkly purple tutu. "Here, have a bite to eat. As a special surprise, we are all going on a star-seeing trip!"

He meant, of course, that they would all go on a ship and go looking at the nearby stars, something everyone had been wanting to do since they arrived several days ago.

Pinneapple went over to the food table, and grabbed some cookies with orange icing and sprinkles on top. He shoved them into his mouth, and then followed the many pilots and Sith over to a door. Master opened the door, and there, attached to the ship, was the same bus that had carried them to the Vacation Ship in the first place. But, all the old brown bus-seats had been taken out, and replaced with comfy chairs and couches. Somebody had even gone down to Pinneapple's room and got his speacial waiting-room chair for him, the one that survived the fire.

Pinneapple was last in line to get in, so he was waiting for a while. Suddenly, he thought he heard ticking, comeing from inside his pocket. He reached in, and pulled out the thermal detonator that he had forgotten about, which was now mysteriously ticking. "Well, I can't bring this," he said, and went back and put it on the food table. He then got onto the bus and sat in his chair in the front.

As soon as the bus pulled away from the ship, Pinneapple saw a star. "Look! A star!" he pointed out.

A pilot in the back yelled, "Well, aren't you observant."

"Well, aren't you absorbent," Pinneapple countered.

Their argument was interrupted by a very large BOOM.

(Author's Note: Yup, the story's almost over. One more chapter. Oh, and thanks for the ideas!)


	8. Chapter 8: The Ceremony

Actually, it was more than just a large BOOM. It was more like a BOOM BAM WAM KAZAMM BABOOM KAPHOON BLIBUM BUMDIDABUM BILLABUMBUM BAMBAMBAM!!!!!!!!!!

Everyone turned to look out the back windshield. The huge Vacation Ship was blowing up, bit by bit, level by level, probably due to the thermal detonator recently placed inside.

Minervie stood up and cheered. She was, after all, a Jedi.

Three months later, Pinneapple stood in the Jedi Temple, in front of a huge audience of Jedis (and cardboard people: they didn't have eoungh Jedis to fill the room and look impressive). With him was Minervie and Yoda.

"This young Jedi, Pinneapple Delight," Yoda said into the microphone, "has defeated the Sith in many ways. Set fire to their headquarters, he did, and blew up their Vacation Ship. For this, we honor him."

He placed two medals around Pinneapple's neck: one, with a picture of fire, and the other, with a picture of a ship blowing up.

"And Minervie, our undercover Jedi spy, helped him as well." He put a medal around her neck, that had a picture of a ship being blown up _and_ caught on fire.

"May the Sith ever be defeated, and may all our Jedis be as honorable as these two."

The room exploded into applause, some real, some that had been recorded beforehand. Pinneapple beamed. One reason was because even though he had no idea what the Force was, he had managed to help the Jedis. The other reason was because his waiting-room chair was sitting in the front row, watching him with a bag of marshmallows.

THE END


End file.
